Committed

2003-04-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

all journal activity is to be continued at my new journal thing
poke me for login specifics.

2003-04-19T15:26:00.000-04:00

after we had moved all the stuff from the trailer into the apartment we all went down to the southside for some coffee and good willing. the coffee shop was so cool, it's called the beehive, and inside there's a vending machine that sells candy, pocky, and even books. then outside in the back there's this great little terrace to sit on and talk and drink coffee drinks. there were obey giant chairs and in the bathroom there was writing all over the walls and a creature painted over the mirror.

but i really wish i had had my camera because out on the terrace in the wooden wall someone had carved 'andy is beautiful'. i would have loved to take a picture of that and send it to andy. i wish he could find someone to talk to, andy is the great untold story of my friends. he's such an enigmatic person.

2003-04-19T07:43:00.000-04:00

time to go break my back.
yaaaaaaay.

2003-04-19T02:32:00.000-04:00

damn i got back and there was a message from andy on IM but he had long since signed off. i wanted to talk to him. he is so angry.

pumpkin is freaky movie, i like it.

2003-04-19T02:30:00.000-04:00

yesterday rocked. er, day before yesterday as it be.
of course from 10 to 2'30 i was stuck working in a musty old thriftshop full of crazy people with some equally crazy old women. she was standing there brandishing a gigantic knife and smiling. suffice to say she was crazy. it was fun though, i like that shop and the old ladies were as nice to me as is possible when i am enlisted as their bodyslave.
so at 2'30 i walked over to the highschool. i left too early. i ended up sitting outside reading for almost a half an hour. it was pretty dern cold out there. for fifteen minutes after i was escorted inside i was still waving my hands in the air trying to regain feeling. maggie flying glomped me when i was sitting on the bench out there. i even put my feet up but she did it anyway. as was the precedent for a large portion of the hugs after that. i got to see andy and lissa and meet all of maggie's crazy friends at anime. liza was there and was surprisingly civil to me, even speaking directly to me without the least bit of hatred. apparently she and stephany are fighting. stephany on the other hand had not the backbone to stay in the same room as me. she came in for a minute or so and informed maggie she wasn't staying then left. i'm inclined to think she showed up for the sole purpose of convincing me she is not wholely spinless. you convince nothing. and liza's girlfriend was there. she is butch. no, not butch, butch. she never spoke to me, but i caught her laughing when i was making a big show of how terrible my driver's ed class is, so i like her. her and her girlfriend sitting solemnly in the back of the room. they're creepy.
so i hung around with maggie the rest of the day and on the way home that night dad got a speeding ticket for going 26 miles over the speed limit. that's an interesting story i won't tell cause i really need to go to bed so i can get up in the morning and help sara and diane move into their new apartment.
tah

2003-04-18T13:41:00.000-04:00

yay, it's only friday!

2003-04-16T20:38:00.000-04:00

spirited away for 17.99 at bestbuy! i'm so getting it tomorrow.

yesterday rocked, there was a "poetry reading" at the library. it was fun even though there wasn't a whole lot of poetry being read. dani came home with me afterward and before she had to go home we went out and i got a franz kafka book and in the process of trying to buy spirited away dani and i found ourselves laden with beef jerky and candy on the curb outside of iggle video. mmm, jerky.

today was pretty good too, i was kinda tired so i wasn't smiling too much, but that was ok cause nick wasn't there to tell me i was depressed. and i wasn't. come to think of it, it was a pretty damn quiet day without nick. he's in texas visiting college classes with his sister. crazy mofo, going to classes on spring break. he seemed a lot more excited about the plane ride that the actual visit. and yesterday during lunch he was showing me pictures of plane crashes. weirdo.

tomorrow i go to state college for the day! can't wait! goo! i hope it gets kinda cold, i need to find a way to wear my vagina shirt without dad or gram seeing it. the only thing i can think of is flannel, but i put it on in my room just to see how it looked and i had to tear it off and jump in front of the fan it was so hot. yuck. i've currently got the big fan trained directly on bunny. i feel so bad for him. he's all hot and tired and his nose is all snotty from breathing so hard. i've been really worried about him being sick lately cause he's been slowing down a bit, lying around more, and that always happens to animals before they die. so i'm making sure he's as comfortable as possible. no sick bunnies.

so now it's off to listen to the cd i made of all the good music that dani's been showering me with lately.

ego tripping at the gates of hell

2003-04-14T18:19:00.000-04:00

haha, i was supposed to call my mom this afternoon if i had driver's ed and i forgot. she was late, and pissed. sure hope this doesn't affect dani coming over tomorrow.
i am torn. there are three things going on tomorrow after school, all of which i'd like to go to and be a part of. 1. snack attack at the library. 2. polictical debate in the chorus room. 3. GSA meeting at the high school. god damn.

the GSA is gonna have an arts/film festival as their big club project. i'm thinkin maybe if i can get to some more of the meetings i might volunteer for some of the art part. they're gonna sell them to help fund the club.

man i can't wait for spring break. heh, "spring break". a five day weekend in mid april. they just slapped a new name on easter break.

i am so disjointed today.

we're reading the 'metamorphosis' in english. it is swiftly becoming one of my favorite stories. this guy just seems far too calm about waking up as a cockroach. and speaking of favorite books, the kid who sits at my table in art who is still sexy despite the chopping off of all his beautiful hair is going to maybe do his time magazine cover on the catcher in the rye since he can't think of any other ideas.
he is quite the enigma. he is quiet and mildly anitsocial, but whenever he does talk he almost always manages to say something brilliant and captivating. or at least humorous. never something stupid and bumbling such as yours truly.
oy, there are so many people i would so much rathe be than myself. but i would never trade places, i would never wish myself on someone like that. it just wouldn't be nice.

time to get to all that nice homework i've got.

i'm crazy for trying
and crazy for crying
and i'm crazy for loving you

2003-04-13T17:46:00.000-04:00

yatta!
YATTA!

2003-04-13T17:36:00.000-04:00

today has been a complete a total waste of life. boooog.
homework and cleaning do not consitute fun. nu uh. so i'm gonna go have some more..not.. fun.

2003-04-11T19:53:00.000-04:00

nothing

2003-04-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

i get the feeling that if i could look at the inside of my throat it would probably render me nauseous beyond all reason. i have no voice.
all day when something pissed me off i would just start screaming.
and i'm doing it again. stephanie running around talking about her past life, and jenna fuck face grinning and talking about her acient vampire anncestry. i just can't sit here silently and say, oh well they're just stupid, no, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!
you deserve to shot in the face!
i'm frequently possed by an irishman named hamper! i'm soulmates with someone i don't trust and i'm one quarter fallen angel, yet still remain staunchly athiest.
i'm a pagan witch, i know nothing about the religion but i like magick! and my vampire overlords tell me to kill in the dead of the night but i haven't cause i'm a big gigantic lie!
i really hope something painful is in your future to knock some sense into you.

2003-04-10T18:47:00.000-04:00

except for this morning when i was a frustrated weepy little mass of flesh, today kicked so much ass!
after school dani and glenn and carlos and i trundled up the hill to the liblary and dani helped us with our timeline project. it was a riot, little shakespeare beans. then i gave dani and carlos rides home, carlos is so hilarious, ah my dear dear carlos.
kind of sucks that i can't do anything with dani until sunday, and with my luck dad will confine me to my room for whatever reason. bah, here's to hoping nothing goes wrong between now and then *crosses fingers*.

so yesterday, miserable miserable yesterday.
it sucked.
the school day wasn't that bad, but due to cramps it wasn't very pleasurable for anyone around me. then after driver's ed dad picked me up in the bmw and we went driving and i was doing really well, practiced parking, turning around and then we just ambled for a while.
but then i got into my first mishap with the car ever.
at a stoplight i accidentally shifted into reverse instead of first. i really don't know how that happened since reverse is so fucking difficult to shift into. so i thumped back into the truck behind me and splurted out fuck and dad jumped out of car to go talk to the other driver in case he was an enraged grizzly bear. thankfully he wasn't. so i'm sitting there hitting my head on the wheel cursing, then i turn around and i see the uniform on the guy. more cursing, louder now. i was so afraid i had hit a policeman. i am so fucking happy he was just a security guard. he was really nice too, he came over to see if i was ok, and thank god there wasn't a scratch on his car. but i cracked the bumper on the bmw. 400 fucking dollars it's gonna cost to fix a broken bumper. curse you german cars and you're safety reflexes. it's made to just crumple on impact so that it takes all the force instead of the passengers, which you know would be nice in some hanus high speed collision, but it sucks ass when you just bump something and the car falls apart. yeesh, you shoulda seen it when sara just rear-ended someone creeping up at a stopsign, looked like she'd maimed someone.
yeah, so i've had my first really bad experience in the car. neither of the parents seem too pissed about it, sure hope they aren't.

so ima go finish that hilarious timeline and be done with homework.

this is just a punk rock song

2003-04-10T18:31:00.000-04:00

click

2003-04-10T18:30:00.000-04:00

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-09T21:53:00.000-04:00

the process of belief is an elixir when you're weak
i must confess at times i indulge it on the sneak
but generally my outlook's not so bleak

2003-04-09T21:50:00.000-04:00

so much anger...

2003-04-09T19:08:00.000-04:00

well, my almost good day has been shot all to hell.
more on that later.

2003-04-08T21:34:00.000-04:00

yes we got trouble
right here in river city
trouble, that starts with T
which rhymes with P
which stands for pool!

2003-04-08T18:51:00.000-04:00

i wish i wasn't feeling so sicky with my case of sars and cramps.
i wanna drag dad out and drive around north park.
nyarr

2003-04-08T18:33:00.000-04:00

cause i like you
yeah i like you
and i feel so bohemian like you

2003-04-08T18:08:00.000-04:00

so today went pretty damn well. it was the day of silence day at NAI and boy did i do a bad job. i kept slipping up and at lunch i renounced my silence after nick started babbling in italian and wouldn't stop. i renewed it before the next period and managed to do pretty well for the end of the day.
dani asked me out, and due to our self-imposed silence it was on a piece of paper in art class, but i don't mind at all because i'm not sure what i would've said. vigorous nods had to do.
after school we tromped up to the library and there were a whole bunch of people there, it was so weird. usually when i go it's just me and the crazy old people. or nick'll be there and i'll follow him around cause shelving is so boring that if i weren't there he'd just be talking to himself.
very ironic how nick kept mentioning today that he hasn't any gay friends. can't remember why he kept saying that, but very ironic indeed.

and mum has just notified me the burgers are done so i'm going to go take care of them and then i'll come back to my room where i'll sit here and drool some more.
goo.

2003-04-07T19:51:00.000-04:00

ever feel like a terrible person?
me too.
but sometimes i like it
like today, liza predictably had an away message of her threatening to kill herself, it said something like "i just want to go slit my wrists and die, is that bad?" and i wanted so badly to leave her a message.

no, not at all, why that's the best news i've heard all day. good luck.

i didn't, but i wanted to.

2003-04-07T16:34:00.000-04:00

i spent the greater part of this morning moping around complaining and whining about not getting to go to oakland with dani, but it seems that my staying home may have been for the better because i have spent the remainder of my morning and the whole day up until now nursing what has to be one of the most impressive colds of my life. i didn't think that much mucus could fit in my head.
and on the side of that mom says that this now makes up for all and any punishment for that night that i didn't call. so if dad ever brings it up again i get to throw this is his face.
i wish i could stay after school tomorrow and do something with dani to celebrate the day of silence among other things, but i have to go get a shot, which i wouldn't need if my childhood doctors hadn't been such twits. they fucked up my hepatitis b innoculations so now the disease could strike at any moment. hence the shots i now have to get.
and god damn this mother fucker of a cold. i have been walking around all morning tissue box in hand just waiting for my brains to come spooging out my nose.
i'd like to pretend i've gotten anything substancial done today. but i haven't.
most i've done is a half-assed attempt at math homework and some work on my sketchbook assignment. when put into perspective that amounts to about diddly squat.
i still have to write a paper on a book i finished almost a month ago, start a timeline, draw pictures for that timeline, finish my sketchbook assignment, start the next one, make a map of about 3 by 4 square feet, and read act V of julius caesar.
oh hell.
better get to that i guess
adieu

2003-04-03T19:39:00.000-05:00

i had a pretty damn good day.
i have an A in world cultures, and we get to start out time magazine covers in art soon.
and after school dani and i went to go see spirited away again. colleen was there too.
ung, that movie was just as good the second time.
so now i have to go do my craploads of homework.
tah

2003-04-02T18:38:00.000-05:00

man i'm glad my mom wasn't like that.

2003-04-02T18:30:00.000-05:00

i wrote that yesterday after listening to the song for almost an hour without stop. ah, hurray for ripping of other people's good ideas.

i really hate complaining to people only to have them try and rationalize my anger away, or defend the object of my agression. that had happened so many times today. somebody actually tried to stand up for laughrey. crazy.

in art i was talking about how i hate everyone in my neighborhood and this kid, cody, who lives down the street looked right at me.
nothing personal, but i hate everybody unless i have a reason not to.

2003-04-02T18:26:00.000-05:00

Institutionalized

It wasn’t anything like any other day; it wasn’t anything like a surprise. A teacher with a sharp look in his eyes approached me and took me by the ugly arm and led me straight into the seventh circle of hell. He did not heed my protests, I pulled away but he pulled back. I screamed but nobody heard me. Then a woman with a tired face and dreary suit jacket came out of her office and beckoned me in, she led me past desks and large motivational posters. Past people crying and laughing and looking very very lost. And this woman with no past and no discernable present left me to my own devices in a large room with a round table in the center and chairs all around it flush with the walls. I could see myself tied to that table, writhing under chords of steel while peers lashed out at me with blistering whips. Teachers looking on, laughing and encouraging the flogging. I could see myself crying, and smiling and I could feel the cold table on my bare back. I could taste the blood wheedling out from under the abrasive bonds digging into my lonely flesh. And as I was lying there on the table a tall man walked into the room. He sat his overflowing messenger bag on the table near my quivering leg and said something to the effect of ‘get of my goddamned table and sit your ass in one of those chairs before I help them flay the skin from your bones.’ So I peeled away from my make-believe tortures and sat down very slowly. The disproportionate lizard of a man flicked his fork tongue at me and put some forms down on the table in front of me. He said my parents were coming and that this was a very important decision so don’t sign anything yet, but all I heard was ‘initial here, here, and here then sign there and your soul will be mine.’ So I took out a pencil and started to doodle in the large margins of the paper and laughed as I imagined what would happen to this man if he tried to walk through the little display-only doors at the home depot. Another tall man, shorter than the first, came into the torture chamber followed by my parents. One, two, yep all here. So we all sat down and the adults talked and looked at me like I was in a wheelchair with 3/8 the arms normal people have. I tried to snatch up the contracts before I my parents would get to them but with the gimpy little arms I couldn’t make it. My mom cried. My dad reached out and squeezed my shoulder. Godzilla looked away. The man who had ushered my parents in was so overcome with emotion he had to turn away and whisper something to the secretary, who had been eavesdropping. She then, to hide her grief, ran to her computer and typed up a memo. I crossed my inadequate, disappointing, shameful arms and looked around the room.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, we think it’s in your best interests…”

2003-04-01T14:09:00.000-05:00

Footsteps disturb me. Not the sound of them, not the creaking down the hall in the dead of night. I’ve grown terrifyingly accustomed to the ghosts in my halls.
I am afraid of those you see. The imprints of a soul long since passed. To me I am seeing what’s left of someone who’s died, their last relic to be blown or washed away. I feel a terrible need to preserve it but there’s no way, I can not do it. To touch it is to destroy but to leave it is abandonment.
A waltzing gait leading off into a broad horizon of carelessness.

i'm supposed to be compiling information for somekind of preoject, whatever that means. pfff.

-- somewhere dark

2003-03-31T17:31:00.000-05:00

download 'institutionalized' by suicidal tendencies.

the strangest thing happened during the break in driver's ed, i was muttering to myself about the rhyming campaign posters around the school, and how much i hate them, and somebody answered me. crazy.

i'm not crazy, you're the one who's crazy

2003-03-30T16:50:00.000-05:00

as of yesterday i was out driving twice. and dad only yelled once for the duration of those two hours. mmm.

went to see spirited away with dani and dan today. it is such a good movie. we need to see it again.
now i really ought to go do my homework

2003-03-28T17:33:00.000-05:00

had the second super shitty bad day this week. twice in one week.
and it wasn't like anything happened either, i was just to so tired i couldn't even smile.
and nick is really good and making you feel a whole lot better but at the same time so much worse.
now there's a story i won't tell, but i do thank him for his chivalry.

after school i went up to library as quickly as possible just to get away from the school, it is the most miserable place i have ever had the displeasure of spending over eight hours of time consecutively sitting in. so at the library i hung around with nick a bit until mom came to get me to go take my permit test. i passed. i even got a little celebratory pastry from the bakery next door to the liscense center. but i'm not really excited. everybody acts like i should be giddy and jumping out of my shoes. but i'm not. at all. i guess that's just a mixture of the terrible day and the fact that i wasn't expecting not to pass.

i was planning to go out with dani this evening, but that sort of fell through. i'm not terribly disapointed, even though i was looking forward to it, cause i'm really tired and feel like shit too. so i sympathize with dani. although i probably won't get to sleep much more than usual because now that i don't have plans dad's going to take me out for my first driving lesson. so you know on top of this crappy week i've been having i'm going to have dad yelling at me. he is so bad at the whole patience thing. i swear i'm going to start balling if he even raises his voice. that's how disgusting i feel right now.

so i think maybe i'll try and squeeze a nap in before dinner...
or not, he just got home. oh well.

2003-03-27T18:29:00.000-05:00

your eyes are closed
your heart is open
wide and that's no good

you and me
that you can't see
so beg my pardon

2003-03-27T18:17:00.000-05:00

take my tongue
it's cocked and loaded
board has dubbed you
special student
sit alone
sweat in silence
we don't tolerate defiance

well i got home and mom met me down in the garage to tell me that i had to run upstairs and prepare myself for a preponed doctor's appointment. it was supposed to be tomorrow but somebody cancelled so i got their spot.
well all in all it was pretty painless, got two shots of different sorts, having blood taken is kind of fun to watch, and a lot of time was spent talking about cramps, which was strange.
and now that it's over i am extremely relieved.
but also intensley pissed.
today i was going to come home and leasuirely get through the nessecary tasks of cleaning my room, taking care of my animals, making a cd for dad, doing sara's t-shirt, and catching up on my homework. but that's all been shot to hell.
and i don't even have the time to do these things when i would've been at the doctor tomorrow because dad wants me to go get my permit. so on top of all those things i need to finish in now a considerably smaller time-frame, i also have read that white booklet and prepare myself for the permit test.
and, AND, dad wants to take me driving that day. i am going to be such a psychotic head-case by the end of the week it wouldn ot be safe nor wise to put me behind the wheel of the care. besides that, i really want to hang around with dani tomorrow. you know, prowl borders, spend money, sleep over, things a normal milie does!
my life has gotten into the bad habit of coming in spurts. long periods of down time and then WHAM all this shit happens all at once and i don't even have time to catch my breath.
so i guess rather than wasting more time i should probably get to that stuff i need to do.
god fucking damnit.

2003-03-26T19:32:00.000-05:00

police brutality?

2003-03-25T19:52:00.000-05:00

i managed to narrate today in 753 words.
seven hundred and fifty fucking three.

2003-03-25T18:41:00.000-05:00

Whoa. On behalf of our producers Kathleen Glynn and Michael Donovan from Canada, I'd like to thank the Academy for this. I have invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us, they're here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction. We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up. Thank you very much.
-Michael Moore

so i had the shittiest day in my recent history and i really don't want to talk about it now that i'm feeling a lot better.
mom took me to the mall and she got me a pretzel and we shopped for gifts for people and i got some new shoes and hair dye, so yeah, i'm feeling loads better.
the best part is my mom agrees with me that it's pretty ridiculous that i had to take the patches off my bag.
i think that school just delights in making me nervous. this is the second time that they have told me i was going to have to go to the counseling office, which is officially my least favorite place in the world, and they never called me down.
i hope they were bluffing.
course, now that i've cooled down i think if they called me down tomorrow i could defend myself a lot better than i would've been able to today.
bah.
i'm hungry so i think i'll go take care of that, then submerse myself in homework.

this weekend is coming way too fast.

2003-03-24T19:46:00.000-05:00

drunk people are so hilarious over instant messenger.

2003-03-24T17:55:00.000-05:00

whoah, i just came so close to puking it's not even funny.
that was weird...

2003-03-24T17:54:00.000-05:00

it's taking every fiber of my will-power not to spiel off a war-rant. i have done far too much of that, to anything that moves, sooo, i'm thinkin it's got to stop. i'll just keep saying it to myself until it sounds so familiar that it'll feel like i've said it to other people. saves the lot of you from tears of boredom.
did you hear about the US soldier who went crazy?
he threw two live grenades into a tent where his commanding officers were holding a meeting and when they all came running out to get away from the grenades he shot them.

so i'm really hating this whole drivers ed thing. nothing to do with the class, but the fact that the crazy-psycho-never-shuts-up girl that i used to only have to spend 5 minutes around on a daily basis now sits next to me for two hours after school.
oh mah god, i'm gonna kill her.

now i think it best that i get to work on the 16lbs of homework i dragged home today.

toot a loo

2003-03-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

it's so weird how after i've signed the painting it just looks done when i kept nagging at it before.
strange how these things go.

2003-03-23T17:03:00.000-05:00

even the most beautiful of all
roses must someday crumble to dust and fade away
it's certain tragedy

2003-03-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

"You know what's really French? Fucking. (Pardon our Freedom.)"

2003-03-23T15:23:00.000-05:00

i need to find a 2x4 to bump me out of this agrivating rut.
i hate everything so much and am getting steadily getting pissier with every passing minute.

i feel like every brushstroke i make is ruining my painting more and more. i wish i could just go to sleep, and wake up refreshed and then take a stab at fixing celestine, but i can't. she's due back in the art room tomorrow. no more delays, no more procrastination.

why can't you pick your bad days?

i want some more rainy days

2003-03-23T15:11:00.000-05:00

i've got to stop biting my nails.

2003-03-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

i love dani.

2003-03-22T15:13:00.000-05:00

this morning there were 7 mini's parked in a row in the kings parking lot.
curious.

2003-03-21T18:20:00.000-05:00

i had a pretty bad day, one where you feel like nothing you do is good enough and you just can't please anyone. all of the sudden, when i felt like i was finally starting to catch up and be on top of my homework, i'm getting all these bad grades and getting in trouble for things that never bothered anyone before. and it really isn't all that bad, but everything is just piling up in a big heap.
to put it simply, today was one of those days when i couldn't even muster my fake smile.
it's so hard to cheer people up when you can't even smile for them.

i can't wait for tomorrow, jillian's having a birthday sleep-over party. it's gonna be so much fun.

Drama

2003-03-20T17:47:00.000-05:00

do you know how many people today have yelled at me or told me how stupid it is to protest the war when it has already started?
well excuse me for having an opinion.
to make a very broad generalization, none of the people i know who support the war have any good reason for it. most of them are, in fact, suggesting a genocide of the iraqi people.

and i'm sorry george, but once we free these opressed peoples, what're we gonna do with them? they hate us.

andy says that by not going to war we are only giving them more time to kill us, but that's not true. iraq poses no immediate threat to the US. the only danger is terrorism, and by going to war we are only going to heighten the anti-american semitism and put ourselves at more risk for terror attacks.

i am perfectly aware that there is no good solution.
but i can not support people dying for something that just isn't worth it.
i do not stand.
i do not pledge my allegiance.

2003-03-20T12:36:00.000-05:00

our country is so fucked up.
every interview i have seen and/or heard so far today has completely contradicted everything bush said in that address last night.
'every effort to protect suvillians' sure, rumsfield telling them not to go to work is gonna save their asses. let's just not go to work and lose our jobs and our lively hood and while we're at it to save time let's just stop feeding our families right now. yeah.

2003-03-19T18:57:00.000-05:00

another head hangs lowly
child is slowly taken
and the violence caused such silence
who are we mistaken
but you see it's not me
it's not my family
in your head
in your head they are fighting
with their tanks
and their bombs
and their guns
in your head
in your head they are crying

what's in your head zombie?

another mother's breakin
heart is taking over
when the violence causes silence
we must be mistaken
it's the same old theme
since 1916
in your head
in your head they are still fighting
with their tanks
and their bombs
and their guns
in your head
in your head they are dying

what's in your head zombie?

zombie

--cranberries

2003-03-19T18:35:00.000-05:00

had a pretty good day.
that's about all there is to be said.
nothing extraordinary happened.
i'm too tired to try and make it sound better than it was, so i don't think i will.

2003-03-19T18:13:00.000-05:00

no cans

2003-03-19T17:56:00.000-05:00

oh penis buns...

2003-03-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

atoXIcvIctory: oh man, i had the best idea for my time magazine cover in art class
Natsume12: Whee!
atoXIcvIctory: but it's so hard to explain, i need to draw it sometime so i can show you
Natsume12: Kaykay ^_^
atoXIcvIctory: i'm doing a tribute to the girl last year who had her painting censored from the art show cause there were guys snogging on it
atoXIcvIctory: thank god for hand snogging
atoXIcvIctory: man the things people were saying about her thing really pissed me off
Natsume12: What girl? Explain?
atoXIcvIctory: i dunno what her name was, but she did a really good job on the time magazine cover, but they wouldn't let her put it up
atoXIcvIctory: they were saying it was inappropriate cause they were snogging
atoXIcvIctory: bullshit
atoXIcvIctory: so she had a petition and marty did a news paper about
atoXIcvIctory: it*
Natsume12: Rar >
atoXIcvIctory: and somebody made a comment that:
atoXIcvIctory: 'i undestand it from an art perspective, but i don't think people should portray homosexuality. it shouldn't be flaunted, they shouldn't push it on people.'
atoXIcvIctory: she actually said that
atoXIcvIctory: can you believe it?>
atoXIcvIctory: ugh
atoXIcvIctory: what the hell is wrong with people
Natsume12: Arr!!
Natsume12: ::nods::
atoXIcvIctory: you fookers stop flaunting your heterosexuqality and then we'll talk
Natsume12: Isn't everything else just pushing het then?
Natsume12: Lol, brain ribbon.
atoXIcvIctory: hehe
atoXIcvIctory: yeah, so ima do one like ehrs, but the guys will be hand snogging
Natsume12: YAY!
atoXIcvIctory: they can't tell me it's inappropriate for snogging, because they won't really be
atoXIcvIctory: haha
Natsume12: ::nodnod::

2003-03-17T18:20:00.000-05:00

you know what just sank in that really sucks... i will not be able to go to anime for almost the rest of the year cause i'll have fucking driver's ed every monday until may.
fook.

aw, weeple's the best little birdie ever. *chirp*

2003-03-17T18:15:00.000-05:00

this made for quite a few good laughs for me in world cultures.
today was one of those days when girlie disgust was more funny than obnoxious. that's a good way to gauge the quality of a day.

my driver's ed teacher is a senile old man. he is so crazy.

2003-03-16T17:58:00.000-05:00

man, i am so dead. guh. i actually managed to make myself do everything i needed to do today. essay, done. math homework, done. painting, not done but closer to it.
and my birdie is the cutest god damn bird ever. psychic too. twice today i was sitting on my floor working at the painting, it's completely silent, then all of the sudden weeples tweets twice and the phone rings. and that happened two times!
oh how i loves the weeples, and how i loves dani for getting her for me. *gushes*
i still haven't introduced my dad to her yet. i'm terrified to do it too, he's such a tyrant, i'm afraid he won't let me keep her.
goo.
i'm going to go back to staring at my birdie in a stupified manner.

oh and sara, my painting thanks you.

2003-03-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

yesterday was pretty dern good, would been better if my cousin hadn't been there, but she seemed rather subdued for whatever reason.
my mom got me black sheets for my birthday. i love my mum.
aw bunny and weeples are sleeping
i should go work on my painting so i can actually be lazy tonight. i had to get up early this morning so i could read my biography, which i never finished, and write an essay, which i did.
yeah.
away i go.

don't know about you but i am un chien andalusia!

wanna grow up to be
be a debaser

2003-03-14T19:48:00.000-05:00

everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around

2003-03-14T18:20:00.000-05:00

daily dose of yaoi
well this whole "punishment" thing isn't going all too bad. with the exception of being denied dani on my almost birthday i'm really not feeling very restricted. yes my internet will turn off sometime between 7 and 8 and i have no tv, but dad let me watch it with him last night so i'm not really seeing what sort of sentance i am serving out.
besides that, mom has been super nice to me. that morning when dad was still yelling at me and i couldn't even look at him without wanting to cry, he is the only person who does that to me, after he left mom gave me a hug and said 'i know you didn't mean to do anything wrong' and it made me feel so much better. and now today she's been all happy and 'what would you like to do for your birthday?', you know, asking me what i want for dinner, doing things i want to do that i probably wouldn't be allowed to otherwise. i don't see why that couldn't involve disregarding my grounding and letting dani come over, but ah well, at least i got to bumble around with her for a while after school.
so now i'm thinking i should get my homework out of the way so i can have all day sunday to work on my painting. oh celestine.

2003-03-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

i fucking hate my dad
but flogging molly and the might mighty bosstones were great.

2003-03-10T17:54:00.000-05:00

i had a really hard time today, all figety and twitchy. i was either freezing or sweating myself silly.
but ignoring what are probably the early signs of an oncoming cold, the events of today weren't half bad.
took my scale test, did the scales with 5 and 6 flats and aced them, i did screw up the first one i did though, i picked a scale then played a different one... heh. but i'm still happy that it's over and done and lah la la.
went to anime after school, it was a really stupid, no, really bad show, so dani and i left and walked around and whenever we were in the room we just didn't pay attention to the show. dani would have followed me home after that if her mom weren't such a blistering bitch, but we had fun anyway while it lasted.

after school before going to see dani and catch the activity bus i was walking aorund with carlos as i always am and he asked me yet another purely carlos-esque question.
what would you say is someone said you were schitzophrenic?
and i said, no shit sherlock?
i told him i really did think i was schitzo and he didn't believe me so i played that i was kidding, but it was kind of fun having the power over someone that you can tell them the craziest things about yourself and they won't believe it. almost like a way of telling your secrets without really being found out. i think i may be the first person to ever say that not being believed is powerful, but it felt like it at the time.
and on that thought it occured to me today that i have no explanation for the way Kim shows up. he sure as hell doesn't follow me all the way to school, but he'll randomly show up in the halls or today how he saved me at nash after dani had left me and i was sitting around with the math people. anime ended so they were coming down from there and i really didn't want to be around them but i didn't want to go outside by myself, then i heard tapping on the glass and there was Kim smiling at me. i walked through the parking lot with him till mom came and it only occured to me once we were at festival that he had just appeared seemingly out of thin air. i highly doubt he could have walked all the way from my house, but then again he is always going off for days at a time and how else would he be getting around than walking. ah well. doesn't matter, maybe when he shows up tonight i'll ask him. not like he'll tell me or anything, but i can ask. he doesn't talk to me so much anymore.

enougha that.
things to see people to do.

2003-03-10T17:09:00.000-05:00

Cowboy Bebop!

2003-03-09T13:17:00.000-05:00

i have a quiz on machiavelli's 'the prince' in english on monday. i am eking hatred for this piece. but no matter how much i dislike it i need to read it and absorb it and memorize it or whatever so that i can ace this test because i've got a borderline B in that class. a B in english, for me, is shameful enough, but if it dropped to a C? that'd be downright blasphemous.
argh.
hate this book.
the style in which machiavelli writes is intensely painful to the eyes and brain. long sentances with lots of commas and interior thoughts. one grammatical rule away from being three pages of run-on sentances. and the content is no better.
i can understand in the beginning when he is saying that a prince needs to learn how to be good and bad so that he can conquer any situation and so that he can stand up to and beat the evil outside himself, but then when he says that it is better to spend someone else's money rather than your own so that you're not poor he loses every bit of respect thati ever had for him.

and on top of english and math homework i have to study for the sodding scale test in band.
fook!

2003-03-09T12:21:00.000-05:00

Two Towers

2003-03-08T21:50:00.000-05:00

sara's gone.
sigh.

2003-03-08T17:14:00.000-05:00

welp, the parents are home, which means no more wandering around in a t-shirt, no more music at intense levels and of course a conscience monitoring of my swearing.

2003-03-07T12:42:00.000-05:00

yesterday was a and bad day. it was good because we got out of school early, but it was bad because i had to get up in the first place.
we had a two hour delay then fifteen into first period they came over the PA announcing the closing of school. a girl i was talking to while waiting for my bus to appear after dismissal said that she had been in the library and logged onto the school website to find the site said we were closed. she was the first student to know.
apparently our buses have been rated somwhere in the best one hundred fleets in the US. that has to have been a mistake on some bluecollar's part. yesterday is proof enough that it would be far more humane to line all the bus drivers up along the fence of the coral and shoot them then let them continue their jobs.
the only thing that kept that morning from sucking ass was the fact that the only class i had to have was art, and that is by far the most psychotic bunch of people i have to be around all day.
so once i got home things were just dandy. i ate, sat around, watched tv, and did everything one should do on a snow day.
then sara and i went out and shovelled the driveway which was hellish and has only more firmly reinsated my hatred of shovelling. i vow that is i ever live in a house that i will have a very tiny and minute driveway, barely big enough for my little car. we weren't shovelling it for kicks though, we wanted to go out and it was the only way to ensure a safe departure in sara's car. so we went to wallmart and wandered around being weirdos and buying stuff.
when we got home i took care of the animals and then i decided to give mom's big whirlpool tub a spin. i don't think it has ever had any use before this week.
i. love. that. tub.

fook. i've lost my momentum. today pales in comparison to the rest of the week, hopefully that can be remedied this afternoon with a healthy dose of dani.
today is not a people day.
boog.

2003-03-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

if you live forever
then i want to live forever minus a day
so that i never have to live without you

2003-03-05T19:38:00.000-05:00

sara finished the catcher in the rye and as we were sitting in the paneras having our little intellectual conversations over soup and a big loaf of hella good bread she was telling me how she came to the conclusion the reason i, along with the rest of my age group, like the book so much is because holden caulifield hates everything and everyone. so we can relate. she didn't like him that much. but i tell her, she's right. at least me-wise.
i really do hate lots of things.
at this very moment i hate liza. which is stupid crazy cause i don't know her. but she has never been nice to me and now she is actively being not nice to her girlfriend.
and i blame you. you know who you are. not pointing any fingers... Becca
but anyway
i had an absolutely gorgeous day. it really was that good. i have no idea why, but i'm thinking it was probably the rain. i love rain almost more than anything else. but not more than dani.
man, i can't get over how good today was. there were a few hitches, the general usual 'i hate you' sort of glitches, but i can count them on one hand and they did little to tarnish my annoyingly chipper manner.
paneras was the best part. despite the fact i don't think too highly of the alure of pathetic slobs looking for a place to be cool it is the best to go mid afternoon when no one else is there and you can just sit around and talk about swearing with your sister. yeah. carrying a hamster umbrella around school was fun too.

--------------------------------------
After multiple ducissions at lunch, i've relized that teenage love is so overrated. Sure, you can say to your boyfriend/girlfriend that you love him/her, because you care so deeply for him/her, but the fact remains that you are still only 15/16/17 or possibly 14/18 (who knows) Anyways, the point is that it's far top obvious that feeling change as fast as Christina Aguliaria's clothes vanish. Sure you can feel something for someone, it's happened to the best of us, (and the not-so-best) but love involves commitment to each other, and not just saying i'll sit with you at lunch from now on. People in love are those continplating marriage, children and living in that little white house with the nice picket fence in front. Should people in their teens really have to deal with those concerns just because he/she claims to love him/her? It's a matter opinion definatly, but I know that's not my biggest concern. Sure it can be harmless to say that you love him/her, but does that really make it all that much more special when you know it's not for real?
---------------------------------------
~ andy

i don't know what spurred you, but andy, yoo is so right.

2003-03-04T18:13:00.000-05:00

ok, now that i've finished my math homework and soon will be leaving for target and possibly dinner i feel more motivated to catalogue.
wow, it's been and entire 4 days since i've posted anything signifigant. fook i'm a lazy bastard. well, for that instance i'm going to use sara as my wimpy lame ass excuse. i've been far too preocupied to pay you any attention.
but overall i really am a fucking lazy little wanker.
i'm so lazy i will not paint a picture for a hundred dollars. i'm not sure if nick is serious or not, he keeps saying he is, and i don't really believe him, but even if he were i still don't think i would have the patience to do that painting. what the fuck is wrong with me. i am being commisioned, be it in a rather nagging and pointed manner, but comissioned none the less, and i am refusing it. fuck me.
so anyway.
this weekend. this past weekend. kicked ass. so much ass.
possibly just because of sara's pressence, or maybe it was my possesion of money, or maybe it was something in the water, i don't know, but whatever it was, i want it bottled.
a weekend with pizza and movies and book stores and the mall seen in better much nicer light.
and lots of sleep.
oh the sleep i got.

and monday was almost better that the time spent with my beloved gravy bowl of a sister.
for the first time in ages i went to anime, only i didn't actually go to the meeting i just hung around in the cafeteria with dani and phil and joe and various other crispy critters. then afterwards sara and i and dani went home with phil and watched 'get real' and happy little cartoon animals killing each other in brutal grotesque manners.
get real is my new favorite movie, and shall remain so until i watch another movie. it's basically just like every other teen movie out there except that it's abouyt a gay guy. a gay british guy! ung.

now i think i'll got put some boots on and dance around and beg sara to take me out and buy some food to eat and some gum to chew.
yes i think that's exactly what i'll do and when i get home i'm going to write an 'e' less story just because maggie has severely intrigued me.

now i leave you on this note...

smoking makes you selfish
and you want your little fix
but smoking makes you share with everyone who needs a hit
and though i'm not a smoker
i'm the first one to admit that there's something very human about it

2003-03-04T16:58:00.000-05:00

it has come to my attention that i am very lazy, no, intensely lazy.
more on that later when i am more motivated and not so typing handicapped by the immense guilt i feel for not doing my homework.
hahaha.

2003-02-28T17:44:00.000-05:00

but when you're broken down
and no else is around
you'll come running back to this town
and i'll be there

cause i remember how we trade time together and how
you used to say that the stars are forever and then
dreamed about how to make your life better
by leaving town

2003-02-28T17:06:00.000-05:00

Pulling

2003-02-28T16:58:00.000-05:00

sara's coming home and the parents are gonna be gone for a whole week, a whole week!
and after that's the flogging molly concert!
i can not fucking wait!

y'know adam's song, by blink 182?
well i hate them, but i used to like this song, so i was listening to it again, and i realized how stupid it is. i used to think it was so cool, but i guess now that i've felt like that and i'm laughing at myself for it, the song seems pretty fucking dumb.
oh well, i still like it.

2003-02-28T16:41:00.000-05:00

reach
for higher ground
about the way you look
the way you scream out loud

mine
just like the last time
it's all the same to me
she said

cry
don't cry out loud
you've gotta bear your cross
never dream too loud
and you're tied
tied to the next time
you realize
your crimes

let's pretend
my january friend
i'm wanting you again
i wanna touch ya
every single heart that beats pretend

time stood still monday morning
showed me what i had to see
it's not the way i thought it to be

you're my january friend
and every heart that beats tonight's pretend

-- goo goo dolls

2003-02-27T21:41:00.000-05:00

sometimes i like being a bastard.
someone sent me an IM forward saying to send it on to everyone in my buddy list in memory and honor of mr. rogers, to which i responded:

atoXIcvIctory:i think mr. rogers was a pedophile.
TheAngryAustrian: don't insult a dead man, that's a little harsh
atoXIcvIctory: yeah i know
atoXIcvIctory: but at least the dead are the only ones who can't kick your ass for it

2003-02-27T20:26:00.000-05:00

i have ideas
the way things should be
i have a picture of you
that you didn't give me

2003-02-27T20:00:00.000-05:00

she's losing it

lisa knows a girl who's been abused
it changed her philosophy in '82
she's always looking for a fight
she keeps the neighbors up all night

i go to her when i'm feeling slack
the girl's using me as a punching bag
i think that i could help her out
the girl's got a lot to be mad about

lisa met chelsea at the knocking school
chelsea didn't feel like following the rules
so they left the place for another school
where the boys go with boys and the girls with girls

chelsea was the one who's been abused
it changed her philosophy in '82
she says inch for inch and pound for pound
who needs boys when there's lisa around?

--belle and sebastian

2003-02-27T19:26:00.000-05:00

i am really sick of people crying so much over mr. rogers.
it is sad that a man died, but people die everyday y'know, where are their news specials?
besides, i disowned the manb when i was four, i won't miss him.

2003-02-27T12:42:00.000-05:00

got me a movie
i want you to know
slicing up eyeballs
i want you to know
girlie so groovy
i want you to know
don't know about you
but i am un chien andalusia!
wanna grow up to be
be a debaser!

2003-02-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

my sister held me close and whispered to my bleeding head...
you are the son of a mother fucker

2003-02-26T19:56:00.000-05:00

that's why birds do it
bees do it
even educated fleas do it
let'd do it
let's fall in love.

coming to you live from the scenic upstairs of the beautiful northland library.
i'm spendnig a night at the northland library people watching while my dad attends some ham radio auction meeting engagement. i am here for no particular reason other than the fact that i really didn't want to spend another night in my room with Kim. he can be a real bastard sometimes.
so anyway.
the ride here was a tad comical on account that it's the first time this week i've been in a vehicle other than a school bus, so for about two seconds after we got out of the neighborhood i was thinking 'hey, we're going way to fast...'
i walked around stalking people for a while and making nature show observations in my journal, but i got a bit bored with it, so i went down to the section with the good books to see if there was anything interesting.
i have to say that the graphic novel of the vampire lestat is less that impressive. it wouldn't be good at all if it weren't for the fact that lestat waks around naked for the first quarter of the in a very machismo buff artist style. except he's not really macho cause he cries and bleeds a lot.
whoah! creepy, this guy next me answers the phone, says hello, how are you, fine and on a little bit, then suddenly lapses into a foreign language that i have never heard before.
an hour and six minutes and counting.

jackie is a punk
judy is a runt

oh i don't know why
perhaps they'll die

2003-02-26T17:50:00.000-05:00

Interview With A Human

2003-02-26T17:26:00.000-05:00

Ungrateful Appreciation
a little toilet humor...

2003-02-26T06:07:00.000-05:00

don't know if they're being brave or just extremely stupid...

2003-02-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

sometimes i think...
who needs a boyfriend when i could have a girlfriend
then i think...
who needs a boyfriend when i've got bunnii?
he's cuddly and abusive, and if i rub him the right way he'll give me kisses.

2003-02-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

i've begun compiling a list of 19 reasons why i hate religion in my journal.
bet my english class'll love that huh?
anyway, i've only gotten to number two and those are pretty long reasons too. anyone want to wager on whether or not i can finish it?

maggie's leaving for three days tomorrow.
i'm going to be so bored this week.

Same Difference

2003-02-25T17:02:00.000-05:00

i had a good day, good being a relative term meaning that nothing bad happened to me.
dani stayed up almost all night last night making mix cds, they are so great. it's one and a half cds of music all having to do with being insane in some form or another.
and i want to recall how nice today was, just being a day when no one bothered me and i could just peacefully slink through a day of school, but honestly, i can't remember it.
so i'll just sit here and listen to crazy good music and hum along cause i don't know the words.

they can not hurt you
unless you let them

2003-02-24T21:19:00.000-05:00

Safety Sadie

I was born in the dead center of the eighties. My mom didn’t like me. My sister didn’t like me. The only person who did like me was a little boy who lived down the street who had a perpetual cold and dirty shirtsleeves.
My sister’s name was Sadie. Now it’s nothing, because she’s dead, she took to many of the pills I’m not supposed to touch. Sadie had pointy hair and lots of pins in her clothes. There were little patches all over her that said things I wasn’t supposed to read. And she said a lot of words I’m not supposed to say when mom wouldn’t give her the car.

Once when I was 5 Sadie took a pin out of her shirt and gave it to me. She said,
“This is a safety pin, you’ll be safer if you push it into your arm.” She took another off her pants and showed me, pushing it in next to all the other dark red marks on her arms that I wasn’t supposed to know about and that mom was always yelling at her for. I couldn’t understand why she was being so nice to me after I’d just broken her new CD by a band that I’m not supposed to listen to. She pulled the pin back out and said,
“Now it’s your turn.” So I did it. It hurt a lot but I knew mom would come if she heard me crying and I didn’t want Sadie to be mad at me so I bit my lip until it hurt more than my arm. Sadie doesn’t like mom very much. When it was in far enough that it wouldn’t fall back out I thrust my arm out in front of Sadie and said,
“Like this?” She said,
“Not quite.” Then she pushed it in all the way to the hilt. I started to cry and she hit me where she wasn’t supposed to hit me. Then she pulled my sleeve down over the pin and when mom came in to see why I was crying I couldn’t remember the safety pin and all I could sob out was that Sadie had slugged me. So mom yelled at her and drug me to the kitchen and gave me some juice and turned on the TV for me to watch. Then She went back into her office and locked the door behind her. Sadie came out and stood in the doorway smiling at me. I didn’t trust her so I went and sat in front of the room that I’m not supposed to go in where mom was with my juice.

Years later I still remember sitting there on the floor waiting for Sadie to leave and go to the places I wasn’t allowed to go and leave me alone. I waited forever. And finally when she was gone, I went to my room and pulled the pin out of my arm and put it under my pillow.
Years later I still have the scar from Sadie. I’m not supposed to talk about it, but the truth is I’ve got a lot more of them that I’m not supposed to talk about either.
Mom says she’s glad Sadie’s dead sometimes; she says I’m not going to turn out like her. I’m going to be a perfect little girl and never do the things I’m not supposed to.
But I think it’s too late for that. I think Sadie took care of that.

2003-02-24T16:29:00.000-05:00

Zeroxx1D: lol your a bi-sexual psychopathic mass murdering genocide fan?
Zeroxx1D: hell i Knew there was areasonto takl to you

2003-02-24T16:16:00.000-05:00

today was pretty good considering it was monday and i came home with wet feet. converse chucks are satan, and then some.
i was pretty tired this morning after spending an entire night dwelling and not sleeping, but i wore the vagina monologues shirt, so everything was immediately brightened a few watts. i loved being in the hall and hearing the guys behind say 'it says vagina!'.
everyone was freaking out and telling me i'd get in trouble, but i didn't, and i didn't really expect to either cause they really can't yell at me, they'd be stepping on toes. and schools seem to avoid that at all costs. i almost wish they' had sent me to the office or something though just so i could yell at someone. i really coulda used a bit of good yelling today. but it was alright without it too.
that is the kind of school that would try and give me a detention for being a lesbian.
dead serious.
best reaction i'd have to say would have been before school when i was standing outside the library with nick and the guys inside were banging on the window and laughing and pretending it wasn't them.

'are they banging at us?'
'probably, my shirt does say vagina on the back.'
'...'

nothing like some good laughs to brighten your day.
some people did ask me what exactly the vagina monologues are, and it was kind of hard to explain since i'd never really seen it before.
the girl in my bio class who reads the dirty romance novels knew what it was though.
she can be kinda fun sometimes.

dani made me a copy of her presidents of the united states cd, it is my new favorite. it's hilarious.

he had a tiki god
nah na na na naaah nah

so when you're caught up in an evil plot
your life's in danger and you can hear the shot
your head is spinning and you're fading fast
how long do you think this kind of fun could last?

2003-02-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

hehe, i love talking to sara:

atoXIcvIctory: you're so weird

soLOngsandaSheS: what did i do?

atoXIcvIctory: i just think it's funny that an idea'll pop into your head then you find every existing website about it

soLOngsandaSheS: haha
soLOngsandaSheS: i have to research!

atoXIcvIctory: but of course
atoXIcvIctory: i suppose that is smart, i hate people who don't do their research
atoXIcvIctory: like people who want to be witchs so they call themselves wiccan

soLOngsandaSheS: ::shakes head::

atoXIcvIctory: are shaking in my favor or at me
atoXIcvIctory: ?

soLOngsandaSheS: at them

atoXIcvIctory: ok
atoXIcvIctory: yeah, it really bothers me, cause there's a whole religion behind wicca that they know jack shit about it

soLOngsandaSheS: our generation is like that

atoXIcvIctory: indeedy
atoXIcvIctory: that';s why i've sworn off religion, i'm too lazy to do the work

soLOngsandaSheS: :)

2003-02-23T18:14:00.000-05:00

well today wasn't a total waste even though we didn't go to the dead cat bounce concert and most of it was actually spent in the car, just sort of driving around.
seeing sara just makes any day good i guess.
and she gave me a shirt from the vagina monologues, mmm. it says 'they are wild for vaginas in pittsburgh' on the front. ima wear it tomorrow! dismantaling the inbred narrowminded suburban school from the inside out.
i'm willing to bet the six dollars in my wallet that at least one teacher or person tells me my shirt is gross or offensive. heh.

i also got the best chocolate i've ever had in my life today. it's dark, dark dark, chocolate. 73% cocoa content, unng.

so now i'm gonna go sit on bed and listen to flogging molly and eat my chocolate and bliss.

2003-02-23T13:03:00.000-05:00

oh oh! dani called me with the news that there's a flogging molly concert at the metropol on the 11th, and i actually might be able to go! all i have to do is sit here and patiently wait for dad to get out of the shower so that i can ask him. patiently. heh.

2003-02-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

i got a new keyboard today. that was the highlight of my day: a black keyboard. kinda sad.

2003-02-22T12:47:00.000-05:00

well, since mom is so anally dedicated to her ill-formed views and opinions, i can't go to a movie with dani, i'll be stuck here all day.
she has this strange oposition to seeing movies in theaters more than once. it's so stupid. she won't even let us rent things more that once. even if they're really good.
for her sake the show tomorrow had better be damn good, otherwise this weekend will have been shot all to hell.
today will be spent doing my homework and cleaning my room.
with the absense of any and all happiness.

2003-02-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

your beautiful wife keeps your life on a shelf for you

the highlight of my night... friday night stand up, louis c. k.

"do you think a baby could eat another baby?
it'd be the perfect crime, i mean who's gonna say, well clearly, he ate im..."

2003-02-21T18:01:00.000-05:00

ha ha
these are really stupid.

You are the typical feminist, depressed, artist.
You go against the crowd and do everything you
can to be different. Too bad noone notices.
Try communicating with people, not just looking
down on them.